This emotional roller-coaster we call life is not for the faint hearted. Just when you feel like you might be moving onward and upward a bad day, week, month smacks you in the face and reminds you the war is not over. On to the next battle. Let’s be upfront, depression is a jerk. It envelopes you into a world of darkness, doing its best to squeeze out all your light. It makes you think things that you aren’t even sure are your own thoughts. It is a liar.
We’ve had our ups and downs. Weekends together practicing yoga left us both feeling refreshed. Eating all the snacks in sight, that were not healthy whole food snacks, left us both groggy and feeling sick. Lately though we’ve been stuck in a rut. Are ruts supposed to last longer than a year? It seems we aren’t able to shake ourselves out of this one.
Panic attacks are horrible and it can be hard to help someone understand what it is like if they haven’t had one before. During the late winter and early spring of last year I was frequently having panic attacks and the rest of the time felt like I was constantly on the verge of one. To try to help people understand what was going on and why I was so afraid of having another panic attack I was given an analogy by a therapist. This is the best panic attack analogy I have heard to explain one to someone who has not experienced it themselves. I call it;
As winter is winding down (or up again? hard to tell in Nova Scotia) I find myself feeling low, mood and energy wise. I was not looking forward to this winter, as last year in January I started a quick spiral into the worst depression and anxiety I have dealt with so far. While I’ve had a break from the depression since late this past spring, the extra anxiety has not fully left my side. A whole host of things that I used to feel okay about now give me muscle clenching anxiety. If I don’t make a conscious effort to relax my shoulders are reaching for my ears all day.